You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
