Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
