Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
