I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
