I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
