I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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