Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
