I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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