Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
