There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
