we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
