The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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