We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
