Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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