They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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