Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
