I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
