So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
