I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
