My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
