i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
