mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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