It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm too high and old for this...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
