We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
