Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
