Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
