i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
