Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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