Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
