his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
smell my finger.
she peed on how many people?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
