I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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