Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
