Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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