So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
