I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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