Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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