Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
