Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
