Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
