I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
