Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
