I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
