yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
