It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
