I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
