CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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