i need an iv and a liver transplant
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
