The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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