I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
