seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
