what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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