Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
