he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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