from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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