I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
